2nd svc practice is tomorrow. I think I only know 1? Of 5 songs. Practice is tomorrow. I won't have time to really sit down and learn the chords.

What am I doing? What on earth am I doing, really?

I'm not sure if it's just work or growing cynicism carried over from another service I'm running away from but.

I'm not sure I should continue to serve. It's begun to feel more like an obligation, a burden even, than a service to my God.

But we shouldn't call it quits just because we don't feel good right? But is it ok, to have such a heavy and resentful heart during worship?

I don't know. I just want to get out NOW. I want worship to be worship, without any nagging feelings of inadequancy and being lousy, and anyway there're so many people who are good at doing it why do I even have to be there? Why do I have to serve when so many others are doing it and doing it better than me? Somehow I know thinking like that's not right, but so far the 'right' thoughts are only in my head and haven't gotten down into my heart yet.

But seeing as there isn't any way out for me at the moment, guess I'll just have to grin and bear?

But I mean, I can go on with the 2nd svc, but surely God you don't expect me to be superhuman right? How am I supposed to go on with a service that is so discouraging and frustrating and leaves me so bitter? I've tried already, haven't I? Can I just run away now, please?

Please...?