Why science is not = happiness

My old comp outside has finally screwed up for good, so now that the whole house is quiet and asleep, I have hijacked my mom's laptop.

Dark deeds done in the depths of night.

LOL.

Anyway, since you asked, Shooee, I guess I'll give a more detailed account of the seminar.

It was:
Organized by some A*Star scholars. They invited speakers who are high flyers with A*Star now. You know, the sort who have the whole world at their picking. So they kind of talked about what it's like to be a scientist, what they do, what you should feel about science before becoming a scientist.

I felt:
Squirmish, uncomfortable, unwilling to become what they have. It feels too insular, too wrapped up in a world of your own, like water in a high pressure hose. I don't like that. And I'm not looking to be the next millionaire scientist or the next minster of whatever or anything. I don't want that kind of life. I just want to love and serve a God who loves me; I just want a job I love; I just want a family I'll love and friends whom I love dearly. That's enough.

What is life that I should so struggle and slave over it? Is it not a few mere passing breaths? My hope is not in this life, but in the next. There my treasures should be, and there my heart will be.

Yet before this life is over, I will rejoice and be glad in it. For all the blessings the Lord has showered upon me.

So there you have it. I am not willing to pour my heart and soul into a world that will not last longer than God will allow it to.

Although I like science, the troubled stirring in my heart will not let me take it up gladly.

Guess I'm a bit emotional tonight.

Just to say
Sitting up past midnight
Eyes fixed only on a light
From a false screen.

Turning and twisting
Scrambling and straining
An uphill battle but I'm not willing to give in.

Smiling away past midnight
From a heart that's happy and light
Seen only by a false screen.

Turning and twisting
Winding and wheedling
Words that are not what they seem, that

Prise into the hidden,
Learn the unknown,
Accept without question,
Believe in the best.

Using a world of words
Just to say

three Simple
Common
Fundamental
Meaningful
Deep
Complex words

That never got said in the end.

Now that the truth is really obvious, there's nothing more for me to do than hold back my tears
And quietly
aaaaaaaaaa gently
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa forcefully

face my Fears

That although my eyes see only you, it's getting harder and harder to say so.

And though these three words may seem hardest to say,
They're easily beaten by a single contender
That stems from a heart grown cold with dismay.

Hyvästi.