...So guilty...
Haiz, I feel so guilty. Sigh... I need to talk to somebody! But nobody's online... no one I can talk to anyway. Haiz... 其实这件事已经是两，三个月的时间了，可是。。。 Sigh. Let's see: Tianyi is at SYO concert (she's the one I really need to talk to), Elaine is not answering her phone, neither is she online. Well at least I can talk to God, but I need to make it right with Tianyi.
Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself. I have beliefs alright, and morals and stuff but I just can't seem to live up to them. I don't know why, but I was just stoned right there and then. The only thing I could do was look at Tianyi for help. And wish I could sink into the floor. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? WHAT WHAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? I was just struck dumb on the spot and I... couldn't do anything. Actually the dominating feeling was fear. I dunno, guess I'm just a coward at heart. Sometimes I just hate being me. Argh. I truly hope "tomorrow is a new day". Somehow it feels like I'll never shake off the feeling. *sigh*
Its hard to be glad or thankful. I know I can be glad I've got another chance and stuff, but perhaps I'll be able to appreciate such "glad" things after a week or two.
TIANYI WHERE ARE YOU???? Hurry up and get home...
I think I should just give it up.
*sigh*
Tomorrow is IE Presentation. I was so stoned during CCA. Got up at 4 am this morning to study for Chinese Lit but it turns out the stuff I memorised didn't come out. Plus, I got mixed up between 《月夜忆舍弟》 and 《九月九日忆山东兄弟》。Forgot that the “露从今夜白，月是故乡明”佳句 is from 《月夜忆舍弟》 and not 《九月九日忆山东兄弟》。 At least I spotted my mistake before handing it in. And I couldn't find anything to say. I think I'm going to flunk it. So what's new?
And so there I was, stoning during CCA. Brain was totally numb and nearly stopped functioning. I think those people who are at SYO concert are really brave. After all, we have a busy and long day tomorrow. Sigh. But I'm not complaining about that. I'm going to sleep at 9.30 tonight. Thank God I have no homework today. Haiz...
I really don't know what to do, what to say or what to think. All I know is that I understand myself anymore. Never did.
*Sometimes I wonder why I write all this crap stuff on a public blog. No one will read it anyway. And if they do, so what?*
Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself. I have beliefs alright, and morals and stuff but I just can't seem to live up to them. I don't know why, but I was just stoned right there and then. The only thing I could do was look at Tianyi for help. And wish I could sink into the floor. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? WHAT WHAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? I was just struck dumb on the spot and I... couldn't do anything. Actually the dominating feeling was fear. I dunno, guess I'm just a coward at heart. Sometimes I just hate being me. Argh. I truly hope "tomorrow is a new day". Somehow it feels like I'll never shake off the feeling. *sigh*
Its hard to be glad or thankful. I know I can be glad I've got another chance and stuff, but perhaps I'll be able to appreciate such "glad" things after a week or two.
TIANYI WHERE ARE YOU???? Hurry up and get home...
I think I should just give it up.
*sigh*
Tomorrow is IE Presentation. I was so stoned during CCA. Got up at 4 am this morning to study for Chinese Lit but it turns out the stuff I memorised didn't come out. Plus, I got mixed up between 《月夜忆舍弟》 and 《九月九日忆山东兄弟》。Forgot that the “露从今夜白，月是故乡明”佳句 is from 《月夜忆舍弟》 and not 《九月九日忆山东兄弟》。 At least I spotted my mistake before handing it in. And I couldn't find anything to say. I think I'm going to flunk it. So what's new?
And so there I was, stoning during CCA. Brain was totally numb and nearly stopped functioning. I think those people who are at SYO concert are really brave. After all, we have a busy and long day tomorrow. Sigh. But I'm not complaining about that. I'm going to sleep at 9.30 tonight. Thank God I have no homework today. Haiz...
I really don't know what to do, what to say or what to think. All I know is that I understand myself anymore. Never did.
*Sometimes I wonder why I write all this crap stuff on a public blog. No one will read it anyway. And if they do, so what?*
posted by munchkin @ 8:30 PM
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