Another whiney post. Ignore if time is a limiting factor.

Now the hard part begins.

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away, just in case I ever need them again someday.

Will I ever need them someday?

Why do I have to handle this, now, here? I think I have enough on my plate already. I've got my A lvls, my entire future depends on my results this year. Ok, maybe not my entire year, but much of it does. And Mom wants me to get a scholarship. CCA's asking more of the seniors. There's the *bleep* fun fair (how's that for self-censorship?) too.

I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions.

I feel that even if I could have the whole world but you, it wouldn't matter.

There are moments when I don't know if it's real, or if anybody feels the way I feel.

Do you?

I think it's a sure sign of hitting the hard bit when I keep playing the same song over and over again on YouTube. The video poster's gonna love me though. I'm jacking up the vid's watch count, even though I'm not a fan of Final Fantasy. I think it's too sappy.

Gee, that coming from me. Who am I to say so?

What will this year hold? What will it be like at the end of the year? Will we still be friends? Or will one of us have forgotten the other by then?

I'm afraid to say that it's probably inevitable that by the end of this year I would have said goodbye to you. I don't want that to happen! But how can I, or you, help it, with this big distance between us, and time and events and people coming in between...

I don't want to say goodbye. It would be another bag full of failed dreams for me.

And after my A levels, it will be your turn to leave.

I'm sorry. I wish I could be there more often. I know you might be here more, if I could tell you. But I can't.

I can't tell you how much I think of you all the time. I can't tell you how I get through the whole week just by looking forward to being with you. I can't tell you of the many things I long to talk to you about, to ask you about.

I miss you so much. But I think I should try to distance myself somewhat. Because anyway it'd all come to naught.

If you help me to start again, you know that I'll be there for you in the end.

Maybe things like this are good. It sieves out what's real and what isn't.