Headache >.<

Today's a sad day.

I tried, but I failed. Any body who thinks I'm a leader can just go away. I'm a failure at such things. I can't even keep my comm together.

I think I tried. I gave way to people, I listened to their comments. I let them do what they want, even though I didn't agree. Maybe it was because I wasn't decisive or authoritative enough. If I had come down hard with an iron fist, maybe they wouldn't be so resentful. After all, they wouldn't have had a choice in the first place. But I had hoped they'd compromise too.

But when did all this start going downhill? Everything was going fine, we were all agreeable and happy to be working together.

I do know what's wrong. I have eyes, ears, and a good functional brain. I know what happened. I know exactly what caused all this.

But what good it do? Everybody was so moody today. I guess I'm just not charismatic enough. Shit larh. Next time I'm turning leadership down. No more next time.

At least I still have Yok Teng. And the others. Yokie's such a solid wall. I can't say how much confidence I've gotten from her.

To top it off, I can't give more than monotones from you today. But it's true after all- even when my dreams come true, it's only partially so. Shiiiit. I would rather they not happen at all then to be let down once more. Guess it's my expectations at fault again. After all, you don't know what happened in my life. You don't care, either. And it's not your fault that you don't either. Thus, I should not feel so hurt. When it rains it pours.

Donna ni touku hanarete itemo, kono uta koe ga kimi ni todoku you ni. But maybe it's really time to say goodbye?

On a brighter note, happy birthday Daddy. I should be buying you a present, but you bought me a dress :)

I shalln't think of tomorrow anymore. I've got today left, and I shall enjoy it before tomorrow comes.

And I shall start with a shower.

Namida ga zutto tomaranai yoru, kimi no mado wo terasu tsuki ni naritai.
Hitori hitori ni yuku bashou ga aru; sono bashou de mou ichido deau you ni.