I can't sleep so I'm back here again with my emo-emo. (My gosh, it actually sounds cute.)

Completing the short story based on what happened today helped, in a cathartic manner. Kind of like throwing up mentally, so it can't torture me as much.

I can't let go of the past. I can't let go of the times we talked, laughed, ate, walked home together. I just can't. And it seems impossible that things should have progressed to where they are today.

Me, unable to smile. Him, cold rejection in eyes. When just a few months ago we sat on a park bench and laughed. At so many things. I can't even remember what.

Can I tell him? I desperately need to. That today I can't smile, can't be the same old me, because I miss him too much. So much that every time I see him it hurts and I want to hide somewhere, yet I always want to be with him. That I avoid him because I cannot push the sorrow from my face. Indeed I'm hardly ever able to hide how I feel, and I hate myself for that. Really hate myself for that. It must be that, it must be my fault that today is like today.

I miss you. I need to tell him that, I love you.



So much for vomitting. I'm sorry if it's been really disgusting, but vomit's like that you know. Nothing rosy about it at all. I hope it's at least been entertaining. Since it's all come out, I hope I won't have to bring it up again.

No, I promise. It won't come up again.