Most of us have been here before

Tomorrow begins the mid-week of my last month of the classroom learning I have become so accustomed to these past 12 years of my life.

I don't even know what I want to do with my life. Wait, correction: I have a faint inkling of what I want to do with my life, but I don't dare to ask myself because I'm too afraid my own strength is not enough.

I kind of understand why in certain countries most of their young people don't start university until much later. I wish I could do that too. To change the centre of my world, just for a while.

I suppose I'll be able to do that for a time after the A levels, but don't forget that very soon after the New Year it'll be scholarship applications and university talks etc etc.

I'm tired of studying. I'm tired of eternally cramming old bits of information into my head. I'm sick of waking up every morning knowing that the main purpose of my day is to prepare for some stupid exam.

What the hey to the stupid exam, I say.

But my world can't except that either. So through the whole process all of us go.

Now I'm at the end of that process. I don't which feeling is stronger- the desire to quickly get this year over, or the irritating bits of nostalgia that keep poking me.

Anyway. Let me lay down this week's schedule, just so I can feel like my life has more meaning.

Monday- School. Violin class. Revision.
Tuesday- School. GP mock exam. Revision.
Wednesday- School. Go home for a while. Honours Night.
Thursday- School. Going to Biennale with Shooee!!!
Friday- School. Revision.

What the hey. The only day worth living is Thursday.

My sinus has been getting better, but I hope it recurs so drastically and so hard on Tuesday morning that I can skip school and the stupid 3 hr GP mock.

Oh yes. I'm getting my prelim grades tomorrow. I hope that doesn't mean I have to stay back till 2.30pm just to get back some lousy slip of paper that will definitely NOT improve my life. I refuse. I have violin class tomorrow.

It's so overwhelming, sometimes. I know what I have to do for Bio and Chem, but I feel a little lost for Literature and Econs. Particularly because I don't really have anyone to talk about Lit with, or go for consults with. As for Econs, my grades swing up and down as often as the stock market does nowadays. I don't quite know what went wrong.

I'm in so much trouble for my A levels.

Here, got this pic from elainey's blog. I feel like doing this too. And after squeezing in, shut the lid firmly, close my eyes tightly and pretend I don't actually exist.