In a temper-tantrum mode
Warning: This post exudes negative ions and should not be read 1) if one is feeling down 2) in part only. Read. Or Read not. You have been warned.
Dear myself,
I've been acting absolutely stupid in the past few days. My prelims are coming but I'm not studying, I've been sitting up online at MSN waiting for people who just don't appear, or who just don't have the time or attention to talk to me, and I've just been generally mooching about.
Bravo. Go on like this and I will be getting lots of lovely Fs for prelims. Really, that could prove to be quite fun. At last, Jane Lau the smart ass proves to all those irritating know-it-alls out there that, contrary to popular belief, she is NOT invincible or smart or any of those crappy adjectives.
Dear myself, I disgust even myself, acting so pathetically, sitting around waiting against hope.
*As an aside, it's refreshing to be so frank on my blog for once. After all, nobody but me is reading this.*
I like writing like this. I'm absolutely dripping with sarcasm and I've just realized how fun it is to do so.
You miserable pathetic loner. Just realized you haven't got a social life, haven't you? All your calls or smses are regarding school work; you're just some walking dictionary or encyclopedia. Enjoy being in the continued company of only yourself, because that's how it's going to be for quite a while more.
It's not entirely fair, of course, to say that nobody cares. For every few people who don't care, I know there is someone who does. So in the rare event that someone who cares about me is reading this, please don't freak out and call me or email me. I'm really quite ok. Really. *You could tag though.*
Ahh. Getting all that poison out of my mind and into words feels cathartic. I think I could manage a smile.
:) There.
I wonder if all the other supposedly smart people feel like this too. Like everybody around them is pleased to put them on a pedestal, and stay far far away from them. To smile upon their strengths and positive values, and to sweep their weaknesses under the carpet. To use them as landmarks, guidelines, and not give a damn about who they are as people. What they like, who they like, what they think, their individual quirks.
But of course, people like me don't have unique characters. We're just good at everything, and that's all that matters, yeah. All just super people who make life difficult for the average person.
Well, since I'm so inhuman and uninteresting and not worth knowing, I may as well take some sadistic pride in making life difficult for the 'majority'. After all, I'm too alien to know what it's like, or to care, aren't I?
More poison leaking out. It really does feel good. Like the way a good cry helps.
Ah well. I guess my problem is just feeling a tiny bit used. But that's just my problem. People have a right to enjoy themselves before school starts again, and if that's not your style, it's just too bad. *Yes, it IS just too bad, myself!*
I should really just give it up, no? But I do know what Pip in Great Expectations was thinking when he never gave up on Estella, no matter how idiotic holding on was. Nice to know my idiocy stems from a tradition that already existed during the Victorian Age.
Perhaps its the poignancy of it being one year. I can be certain at last that it's been one year because of last year's chewing gum remark. Why in the world they would want to discuss Singapore's chewing gum laws so long after its been implemented as a unique point about us is something I'll never understand. But it marks one year.
A lot of things have happened in that one year.
I swear, some people are so hard to know if I had known what I'd have to go through I wouldn't do it again -.- It's like peeling an onion with so many layers that while only halfway through peeling you thought you were already done with the skin. Until you got to the next layer.
But I'm in it already, from head to toe, so I'm not backing out now. Besides, sometimes the many layers make you appreciate what's really inside when you finally get there. Something that was wrapped in so many layers feels more and more precious and real when you get closer to it.
Oh well, myself, life isn't so bad after all, when you take the time to count your blessings.
Cheer up, old thing. Here's another smiley for you- =) Reminds me of the funny green smiley. Should have saved it. Lol. Speaking of green, there was that funny green mask too. Life is actually pretty good for me.
^^ Thanks for listening, myself. Even though it's just you again, I think it helped. Ignore the weird people out there like *ahem ahem* who are going "oh my gosh this is so weird" and spreading weird rumours about you. What they say or think doesn't matter to you, because what you say or think doesn't matter to them.
Think less, smile more. *Like a certain dear someone.* And pray.
Love,
Jane
P.S. Note to self: Start finding out more about those people whose lives look like everything is going well, and stop being too busy to care.
P.S. 2. Here's to remember that good times are real:
Dear myself,
I've been acting absolutely stupid in the past few days. My prelims are coming but I'm not studying, I've been sitting up online at MSN waiting for people who just don't appear, or who just don't have the time or attention to talk to me, and I've just been generally mooching about.
Bravo. Go on like this and I will be getting lots of lovely Fs for prelims. Really, that could prove to be quite fun. At last, Jane Lau the smart ass proves to all those irritating know-it-alls out there that, contrary to popular belief, she is NOT invincible or smart or any of those crappy adjectives.
Dear myself, I disgust even myself, acting so pathetically, sitting around waiting against hope.
*As an aside, it's refreshing to be so frank on my blog for once. After all, nobody but me is reading this.*
I like writing like this. I'm absolutely dripping with sarcasm and I've just realized how fun it is to do so.
You miserable pathetic loner. Just realized you haven't got a social life, haven't you? All your calls or smses are regarding school work; you're just some walking dictionary or encyclopedia. Enjoy being in the continued company of only yourself, because that's how it's going to be for quite a while more.
It's not entirely fair, of course, to say that nobody cares. For every few people who don't care, I know there is someone who does. So in the rare event that someone who cares about me is reading this, please don't freak out and call me or email me. I'm really quite ok. Really. *You could tag though.*
Ahh. Getting all that poison out of my mind and into words feels cathartic. I think I could manage a smile.
:) There.
I wonder if all the other supposedly smart people feel like this too. Like everybody around them is pleased to put them on a pedestal, and stay far far away from them. To smile upon their strengths and positive values, and to sweep their weaknesses under the carpet. To use them as landmarks, guidelines, and not give a damn about who they are as people. What they like, who they like, what they think, their individual quirks.
But of course, people like me don't have unique characters. We're just good at everything, and that's all that matters, yeah. All just super people who make life difficult for the average person.
Well, since I'm so inhuman and uninteresting and not worth knowing, I may as well take some sadistic pride in making life difficult for the 'majority'. After all, I'm too alien to know what it's like, or to care, aren't I?
More poison leaking out. It really does feel good. Like the way a good cry helps.
Ah well. I guess my problem is just feeling a tiny bit used. But that's just my problem. People have a right to enjoy themselves before school starts again, and if that's not your style, it's just too bad. *Yes, it IS just too bad, myself!*
I should really just give it up, no? But I do know what Pip in Great Expectations was thinking when he never gave up on Estella, no matter how idiotic holding on was. Nice to know my idiocy stems from a tradition that already existed during the Victorian Age.
Perhaps its the poignancy of it being one year. I can be certain at last that it's been one year because of last year's chewing gum remark. Why in the world they would want to discuss Singapore's chewing gum laws so long after its been implemented as a unique point about us is something I'll never understand. But it marks one year.
A lot of things have happened in that one year.
I swear, some people are so hard to know if I had known what I'd have to go through I wouldn't do it again -.- It's like peeling an onion with so many layers that while only halfway through peeling you thought you were already done with the skin. Until you got to the next layer.
But I'm in it already, from head to toe, so I'm not backing out now. Besides, sometimes the many layers make you appreciate what's really inside when you finally get there. Something that was wrapped in so many layers feels more and more precious and real when you get closer to it.
Oh well, myself, life isn't so bad after all, when you take the time to count your blessings.
Cheer up, old thing. Here's another smiley for you- =) Reminds me of the funny green smiley. Should have saved it. Lol. Speaking of green, there was that funny green mask too. Life is actually pretty good for me.
^^ Thanks for listening, myself. Even though it's just you again, I think it helped. Ignore the weird people out there like *ahem ahem* who are going "oh my gosh this is so weird" and spreading weird rumours about you. What they say or think doesn't matter to you, because what you say or think doesn't matter to them.
Think less, smile more. *Like a certain dear someone.* And pray.
Love,
Jane
P.S. Note to self: Start finding out more about those people whose lives look like everything is going well, and stop being too busy to care.
P.S. 2. Here's to remember that good times are real:
Photo courtesy of Shoo-ee, going-to-be pro artist ^^
posted by munchkin @ 10:40 PM
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