Karenai Hana

Friday, September 16, 2011

Back to blogging cause I need some distraction but don't want to put this on fb.

Ok, reality check. Up late at 2am, check. Mugging midterm due tmr morning, check. More than half left to write, check. Writer's block, check. Brain switched off, check. Don't give a damn anymore, check.

It's 10 stupid percent. Must I do this? 10 freaking percent. I am NEVER ever doing modules under this prof again. Not if it's the last module I need to graduate. Screw it man, I would just wait one more semester and do anything, ANYTHING else.

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Singapore-Amsterdam-Prague Day 1- Thursday and Friday

Oh my gosh, yesterday was such the longest day of my life, all thanks to that 13 hour flight that joined my Thursday and Friday together. True, I did manage to sleep most of the flight away, but as Shana understands, there was no 'REM sleep'. Not to mention the countless meals I had, the names of which I have not yet figured out because I gained 6 hours in coming here... No doubt I have gotten fatter.

The journey was a bit surreal because of that, though now I distinctly remember being asked, most seriously, at the Amsterdam security check, what on earth I was going to Prague for. That was quite a surprise alright. I guess being a young female has usually meant that I'm not suspected of being anything by innocent. Thus far anyway. Its a bit strange to be an Asian in Europe, because now I'm the odd one out being stared at. So please my friends, try not to stare at ang mohs in Singapore, hot as they may be (got that, Shana?)

Anyway, after the long journey Hanbee and I lost our courage to use public transport and took a cab to the hotel instead. Which, although it cost us a fine sum of SGD36, still feels like it was worth it. Its the tipping I still can't get used to though, 10%, which may be better than 17%, but who knows, perhaps their taxes are included in the price tag already.

We couldn't check in till 12pm, so we went wandering around the vicinity, and found to our surprise that behind the old traditional facades were shopping malls not too different from what we get in Singapore. Even the brands we found were similar- Marks and Spencer, Espirit, Top Shop, Sephora... Not that we did much shopping though, the prices were not very much cheaper. Although the sales discounts may change that. Hanbee and I have made up our minds to go shopping like tourists, even if Shawn may not agree to go. Hahaha (:

Food is still a bit of an issue here... I'm starting to miss rice and dishes and all that. Here its bread and bread and some more bread... Although I must confess Hanbee and I succumbed to the need for rice and ate some for dinner yesterday. It wasn't too bad really, for Chinese food in Europe, and it was about the same price as everything else in the mall anyway. The waiters and waitresses were Chinese, as were the cooks. The waitress was surprised when I spoke to her in Chinese.

How hard life is for these people, to have to leave their homes and come so far to work. But I wonder why Prague? I didn't have a chance to ask yesterday though.

Which makes me rather ashamed of myself. Perhaps it was the jet lag talking, but even today when I have been rested I'm still fighting a battle between excitement and homesickness. Sigh. It's just for 2 weeks, and its a nua holiday at that! Yet I felt so strongly yesterday that all I wanted was to be back in Singapore, and that I shouldn't have left home in the first place.

But comfort came from Hanbee, cause she just doesn't think so much and get her head in a mess like I do. She was, and is good company. Another unexpected source was from the Lord of the Rings- The Fellowship of the Ring. I was reading about Frodo's leaving the Shire, and the many things that Tolkien included in his book about travelling and returning home and the comforts that a traveller may find really struck a chord with me. The most poignant was when Frodo said that one may wander more willingly and cheerfully when one knows that somewhere behind is a safe and comfortable place that will ever remain so, even if one does not return to it.

And yet I know for sure that I will return to that place eventually, whether or not I want to. I have been such a big baby, and to be sure I think I still am.

(The wisdom of Tolkien has also led me to realize that without trials and experience in life, one cannot rise to such heights and create works of art that really move people. Tolkien must have felt all those feelings that his characters had, in order to write what he wrote. That's what separates a legendary writer from a simply good one.)

But the battle against homesickness and all negative thoughts is a winning one, especially after taking in some of the sights yesterday. We watched an open-air performance on the main street yesterday, and I was just filled so strongly with the realization that that was what I had come all the way, 13 hours plus, to Europe for. Only in Europe.

And so with this realization, I will look forward, but not too forward, and backwards, but not too often. And I will rely on my God to continually guard my heart and mind with his peace that surpasses all understanding.

Plus Shawn's joining us today. That means I won't have to shoulder the burden of taking care of transport and meals all by myself. Yay.

Till tonight then.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

早くあたしの人生からでて

またさよならだね。かならず。だから、絶対に振り迎えないは。

Call me faithless, call me gloomy, but I believe it will be so.

でも、それでもいい。もし愛がなかったら、あたしは一人のほうがいいと思ってるよ。今度、本当に二度がない。そして、この甘い夢がぜんぶわすれる。

I swear, I will see it through. For sure. This time for sure!

そう言ってるけど、本当に難しいよ。たとえば、今あたしの体はシンガポールにあるけど、心はアメリカへ行ったよ。早く帰って。あそこに何もないから。結局あたしは自分と話してるだけだ。彼は自分のことだけを考えてるから、実はあたしは特別じゃない。

There's no value in waiting for someone who doesn't think I'm worth the effort. I'm past looking for an explanation or a reason, I just want to move on again.

そう。

Sunday, May 01, 2011

毎日日記を書いたら、日本語はきっと上手になる?

君は時間のむだだと言ったで、あたしもそう思う。し方がないけど、今まで時間がまだあるよ。あたしは時間を捨てたくないけど、やっぱり今日の意味がわからない。何があったら、はっきり言ってよ!バカ。

ちょっと、日記じゃないね。

I DON'T WANT TO STUDY ANYMORE. And I would be slacking if not for the fact that I owe Prawny my notes.

Can't wait for exams to be over. But feel so lost at the same time. O.O Lousy.

Library here I come.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

また日曜日

今日、またあの人の背を見ただけ。どうすればいいの?実は、知ってるよ、あたし。

And if that girl I know should ask my advice, oh I wouldn't hesitate, she needn't ask me twice. Go now! I'd tell her that for sure.

It's all very well to say you fool, it's now or never. But I could be choosing no choices whatsoever.

そして、あの子はあたしです。

Thursday, April 07, 2011

毎日よく思う人へ:

あたしは、いつもいつも、どうしても大切なことを言うことができない。

でも今大丈夫よ。もうきめた。振り向かえないから、

八月が来るとき、あたしは絶対に大丈夫よ。背中を向けて、あるきいて、この甘い夢を忘れます。もう二度のバカになりたくないから。君が行ってもいいよ。行ってはいいです。

出会えてよかった。それだけです。

あたしはいつも「あ、言わないこと、よかったね」と思ういますから、この気持ちをよく覚えます。


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A head full of PS (not BS, mind you)

In fear of being sued for copyright issues, I humbly put forth a reinterpretation of les miz for stressed out folks... Enjoy (:

Everyday, we work for longer hours, we work with longer frowns, the worst is coming
Everyday, I wonder everyday, when will my sanity finally give up on me?

Don't think it about at this time, with all the work ahead of us, we will need our brains to work, for logic will be needed everyday...


Everyday, we'll remember the nights when we could movie marathon...

A head full of work
A life full of stress
I'm getting everything confused!
Oh no, for shame, I do not even know the day
Dear lecturer, won't you stop, will you care?

Okay that's about it for now... inspiration a bit dry. Lol.