:(

STUDY FAIL.

I'm so dead for PS2239 tomorrow.

I've read most of the readings and all of my notes, but I can't really remember much, except the general concepts. DIE. I'll have no examples to use tomorrow. I can't even remember the finer points of the concepts, just a brief idea of what they are... This module is like trying to learn political science and history simultaneously. At one go.

Should have taken history at least once during secondary school or JC. Fail fail fail. >.<

The marker will have fun writing 'how?' and 'explain' and the like all over my answer script, I'm sure of that. (I'm sure there're at least 20 'how?'s written all over my pathetic B- essay.)

:(((((

Can I just give up now?

AH, GOD. Is pol sc really for me?

Feels like the European studies* mod I took last semester, where I really couldn't remember what was going on between Napoleon and WWI in Europe. Somehow still got past it... Don't know how that happened. Must have been God.

SOS, God. Looking at this pile of undone readings, feels like there's really no point in struggling on.

Whatever. Just do what I can. Just do what I can.

Today's JS2213 exam was a bit of a scare when I first saw the questions. They were so specific. "X term was mentioned by Y lecturer. What is this concept and what does it imply?" Like??? I was going "oh no oh no I don't remember this term....!" cause I didn't take down that word! OH my gosh. My entire answer, 20 marks, is hanging on the correct interpretation of that one word. Crrrrap.

See, therefore there's no point knowing the general stuff and concepts if the question is going to centre on one FREAKING particular word. What to do. Apply l33t skills of inference. Sigh.

On a slightly brighter note, we managed to get a B for the JS project. Which was a relief, cause it was so shallow and biased and naive I thought we were gonna get C or something. JS tutor is a nice person after all. I would have given myself C+/B-.

Back to futile efforts at reading 2239 notes.

*Thanks to that module I know get shivers of dislike whenever I see any thing related to the EU. Talk about mental trauma.

LAST PS ESSAY IS DUE TMR!

Ok so fine, Shana, you were right. But just because you're right doesn't mean I can't strive to like "improve" right? It's not that easy, you know; wait, not that you'd know really >.<

*Is slightly exasperated. Don't ask with whom. I don't even know. Myself probably*

*Makes a pledge*:

I SHALL ONLY BE INTERESTED IN A GUY WHO CAN PLAY ME TCHAIKOVSKY'S VIOLIN CONCERTO!!!!!

HAHAHAHA! And that's not even a guarantee.

And since that's like 100% unlikely,

I'm safe (:

Today's 2nd svc worship was so loud. My poor ears! Poor, poor abused tired ears. Nursing them with softly played soothing Mozart- Oboe concerto and oboe quartet.

Hmm. I guess if he can play the oboe that'll do too. Pink Mozart.

Lol!

*Disclaimer to say that this whole blog post is just a joke, otherwise Somebody I know is gonna ask a wide-eyed "Are you serious dude?" No, duh.

Singing from the heart

cause I know my God saved the day, and I know His Word never fails and I know my God made a way for me...

IT'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT!

Hahaha. A bit hyped up after worship pract this evening. Our new worship leader is quite the one for energetic worship... he is an e guitar player after all so I guess it shouldn't be surprising.

I'm so glad I'm with the 2nd svc worship team after all. I feel kinda repentant today, after receiving so much help from the other keyboardist... like I shouldn't be so upset about what's happening in the other service... so it's a good reminder see. And I learnt more about the 2nd keyboard too... I have a drawing on how it's the foundation of the house that is the rest of the music... And that's helped a lot too.

So when I said 'thank you' to her, I guess she didn't and couldn't possibly understand what exactly I meant by it... cause she wouldn't know about the other service see.

But what else can I say beyond 'thank you'? Sometimes words just aren't enough.

SALVATION IS HERE!!!!

Hahaha. And my mood was just inflated by news that someone has met that certain someone who is involved with church music in church!

It's definitely worth praying for! (:

2nd svc practice is tomorrow. I think I only know 1? Of 5 songs. Practice is tomorrow. I won't have time to really sit down and learn the chords.

What am I doing? What on earth am I doing, really?

I'm not sure if it's just work or growing cynicism carried over from another service I'm running away from but.

I'm not sure I should continue to serve. It's begun to feel more like an obligation, a burden even, than a service to my God.

But we shouldn't call it quits just because we don't feel good right? But is it ok, to have such a heavy and resentful heart during worship?

I don't know. I just want to get out NOW. I want worship to be worship, without any nagging feelings of inadequancy and being lousy, and anyway there're so many people who are good at doing it why do I even have to be there? Why do I have to serve when so many others are doing it and doing it better than me? Somehow I know thinking like that's not right, but so far the 'right' thoughts are only in my head and haven't gotten down into my heart yet.

But seeing as there isn't any way out for me at the moment, guess I'll just have to grin and bear?

But I mean, I can go on with the 2nd svc, but surely God you don't expect me to be superhuman right? How am I supposed to go on with a service that is so discouraging and frustrating and leaves me so bitter? I've tried already, haven't I? Can I just run away now, please?

Please...?

Whee~

Oh gosh. Super bored super bored SUPER BORED!

As expected, I'm procrastinating the two essays again...

Can't wait for Dad and Mom to come home. I'm tired of eating pasta and pizza over the past three days...

...

Aiyoh even blog also don't know what to say. Is my head that empty?!?! Oh gosh.

zzzzzz

Since it's Good Friday weekend, shall say something about church. Today, and on friday during practice, my playing sucked. And I messed up the order once today, and didn't get the worship leader once. What is wrong with me? Feel so sleepy and *di-ao*. And don't even feel bad about it.

Seriously. If anything should worry you girls out there, it's that last statement. That I'm slacking and unmotivated, and not really caring. Lol.

Hai. What is wrong with me?

Oh yes. Here are my random observations for the weekend. Someone looks good in light colours, like the cream he was wearing today, so I think he should just stop wearing dark blue or emerald green or weird purple. But light colours does not include weird dark blue stripped with evener weirder faded pink. Like, what? What effect are you trying to create? Srsly. But anyway he didn't ask for my fashion advice, so I shall not offer it beyond this blog post.

Heh.

And somebody actually took the effort to say "hey, Jane" today. Like, what? What are you trying to imply by alternating between hot and cold? Since I don't understand, I'll just pretend I haven't noticed.

Hah.

*Somehow I got into a vindictive mood. Off to the piano I go... Whee...

Deadlines for both essays due on Monday have been extended!

Whoots...

Or rather, this may not be a good thing because it'll delay the start of my revision for finals >.<

nodame cantabile

came to school without my wallet today >.< which means no money and no matric card, which mean respectively no lunch and no library!

ah well. if I had just used the same bag I used yesterday, I wouldn't be in this situation >.<

I think I can actually buy lunch using my ez link card, but that means I can't get back into the library after that!

fine. lunch shall be postphoned.

everyday,everyday my heart hurts
there are so many, so many sleepless nights
at the first, the first, the first time when we met
Can I return to those days?
I’m so in love with you

*eh. blogger's editing is weird. now I can't get rid of the italics.*

I just found this song, its the first opening song for the anime version of nodame cantabile. sounds like me 2 months ago. ah well. romantic love comes and goes. but it's still a nice song. here's a link for anybody interested. I think it's actually sung by a westerner in japanese. which might be why the english words in the song are actually correct! Hahahaha~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvWunmc5_Sk

if there's one thing I've learnt, is that platonic love is actually stronger than romantic love. so I think I'd rather have more of that than red roses everyday (: so, looking at the song from a different perspective, I have actually returned to the days when we first met, cause at that point of time I wouldn't have given him a second thought.

just that everything is, of course, different. I think there's a phrase for it in german, "unheimlich". familiar yet unfamiliar.

so anyway, I love all you gals out there. Jiayou for this last leg of semester!

Today is a joke?

Skipping GEK lecture today to work on JS project. Sigh. This whole skipping thing is becoming a habit. If this is what level 2000 modules look like, what will happen to me when I start on level 3000?

>.<

Anyway, on a more interesting note, I have just read the most ironic and perverted statement in my life. That a murderer and road maniac should claim that human rights and democracy will exonerate him from crimes he obviously committed.

If escaping justice is what democracy and human rights mean, then I don't want them. I would be proud to have people call Singapore quasi-democratic, authoritarian, dictatorship, little North Korea.

If nothing is done about his crimes, then it shows poorly on the Romanian government and not on Singapore. I hope this doesn't become an election issue though, because as much as I hate to say it, there's really nothing Singapore can do anymore.