My fellow undergrads, Lend me your eyes...

In order not to have my emo-emo post up as the first all the time, I'm here with another post.

With an argument to put forth, in fact.

I hearby make the claim that a person's major ought to be based on their love of subject, and not their grades. Simply doing well in a subject without enjoying it leads to a meaningless life based on material satisfaction, instead of the higher levels of emotional and spiritual fulfilment.

Neither should it be based on the comments (or sneers) of others, for it is not other people's lives one is living, but one's own. In such a situation, others have no right to impose their say on a person's university major. Neither is it responsible or sensible to listen to such unfounded and often negative remarks, no matter how good their intentions may be. (It must be questioned, indeed, how good their intentions may be, if they crush one's dreams and ambitions so easily into the dust without much thought for one's feelings.)

To justify the above points, I would like to conclude my argument by stating the fact that deep passion and hard work will always lead one to a meaningful and sustainable livelihood. Whereas a life based solely on material satisfaction will not last. Consider the case of lawyers turning into car or insurance agents. Need I say more?

And to the girl out there who writes better than anyone I've ever known, if you love something, it's there in your heart for a reason. Maybe at this point of time, only God knows why.

Genius is defined by the biggest successes, not the most (perceived) catastrophic failures.

The best is yet to be.

I can't sleep so I'm back here again with my emo-emo. (My gosh, it actually sounds cute.)

Completing the short story based on what happened today helped, in a cathartic manner. Kind of like throwing up mentally, so it can't torture me as much.

I can't let go of the past. I can't let go of the times we talked, laughed, ate, walked home together. I just can't. And it seems impossible that things should have progressed to where they are today.

Me, unable to smile. Him, cold rejection in eyes. When just a few months ago we sat on a park bench and laughed. At so many things. I can't even remember what.

Can I tell him? I desperately need to. That today I can't smile, can't be the same old me, because I miss him too much. So much that every time I see him it hurts and I want to hide somewhere, yet I always want to be with him. That I avoid him because I cannot push the sorrow from my face. Indeed I'm hardly ever able to hide how I feel, and I hate myself for that. Really hate myself for that. It must be that, it must be my fault that today is like today.

I miss you. I need to tell him that, I love you.



So much for vomitting. I'm sorry if it's been really disgusting, but vomit's like that you know. Nothing rosy about it at all. I hope it's at least been entertaining. Since it's all come out, I hope I won't have to bring it up again.

No, I promise. It won't come up again.

The lightning connection

Ok, I've been asked on a few fronts to update so here it is.

But gee, I don't have anything to say >.> Like I warned one of the fronts, it's gonna be pretty emo. And it's worse this week, considering that my period is coming round and I have a TONNE of work sitting on my head.


(I think the British spelling of this word is just nicer than 'ton'. 'Tonne' seems to imply how its huge and stretches over the mere pronunciation of it all with a drag on the 'ne' part, instead of just 'ton' which is so neat and short and light.)

Here, I've got a new song. It's called the lightning connection.

Have you been wide awake, and have you heard the clock ticking? I've heard it time and again. Is this the sharp sound that keeps us all mugging? The reason might be one and the same. I've heard it too many times recently, oh and I think it could be... We all have to face it, the lightning connection, the heartbroken, the muggers and me~~

How about that then?

Maybe I should find another church. Before I start resorting to desperate measures like sending annoymous love letters. Oh gosh, no. That would be so completely pathetic.

Deflated

OHHHH my gosh.

Eu debates is finally over!!!

Over over OVER!!!

If you want to know how it was like, it was being shelled by heavy artillery (one girl) and gingerly having to avoid landmines (one guy). And all the time having to avoid snipers (the other two guys.)

I feel like I've been shot to pieces and riddled with bullet holes all over. Despite the fact that we started out with 4 solid tanks I think at the end of the battle only 2 were left standing.

Arghhhhh. >.<

Had gone all wrong, been trampled on and lost and thrown away...

Shana's not allowing me to sing :( I at least want the roses and the note that talks about 'Our Song'.

Funny how a simple incident in church can make me mooch for a whole day and then some.

Funny how 'no' seems so inevitable and yet so unbelieveable.

Even as I walk down this path, I keep looking back over my shoulder in disbelief, regret, even hope? I don't know. I'm still not convinced, but mostly forced to walk down by necessity. What else can I do?

What, indeed?

Sometimes I feel like if I were more perfect all my problems would be solved. Maybe I'm just not attractive enough?

None of those thoughts hold much ground any more actually.

So. I wanna be perfect, But I'm me. There's only so much, that a girl can do. And when I look in the mirror what I see makes sense to me, Perfectly.



Someday, I'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers, and me.

'disembodied voices'

As Dr. Mobrand called it. 'Me, talking to myself, and my computer.' Lol. The least humorous teachers turn out to be quite interesting really. (I confess I do note down the stuff he says in my notebook, unrelated as they are to the lecture contents. Like something about 'a whole industry that produces paraphenalia for South Korean farmers on protest and strikes'.)

But sometimes the most interesting-appearing are just as interesting. Like Dr. Yamagishi. Her English is very interesting. It's a mix of Japanese and American English. I wonder where she studied.

Daisuke-sensei got her a WIRELESS MIKE for her first lecture with us. And so she roamed happily among us. I must say it's refreshing, and I don't quite mind :) (Darn e-learning, making me miss a lecture with her!)

Oh and Daisuke-sensei's English is interesting too. Sounds American as well. I wonder where he studied too. (Not that we actually call him sensei to his face but, come on, Japanese Studies with a Japanese tutor. How can you not call him, or at least think of him, as sensei? The title just fits, so well that in my mind his name will ever be stuck with that suffix :D)

(Oh and my grammar got corrected by him. I'm ashamed. (Tall, good looking, kind and speaks good English. Some Japanese woman must have got her hands on this rare specimen already.) )

So if H1N1 comes we won't be allowed to slack cause they'll be able to issue us work and stuff. Great. What fun.

Anyway, our band's debut at the Mid Autumn Festival last night was a success.

Me with my violin, and Anni singing the Chinese version of Kaze ni Naru (Xiao shou la da shou by Fish Leong, if I'm not wrong.) Anni, our sweet voiced angel! ^^

My brother's in light blue, Lenard is in dark blue. I hope Lenard's not too mad at me, cause I had thought of a colour coordination, but Mom interfered and... I ended up wearing red so. Sorry Lenny! >.<

Well it was a success outwardly at least. But I have my reasons for feeling a little concerned...

Anyway the English pastor came to tell Mom and I that Kor sang like a rock star! Hahahaha... so funny.

Tomorrow we discuss our SSA project at Shana's home. I hope it will all go well. SSA seems to be the subject where I can't really grasp the tutor's questions.

'You'll hear the music fill the air, I'll put a flower in your hair.'

keeping us stargazing

My elder brother's birthday was yesterday, so the next birthday will be mine. In January. Next year. When I turn twenty.

OHMYGOSH. TWENTY. I'M GONNA BE THE FIRST TO BE OLD.

HELP!!!!

No no no no no no no no no no no I CANNOT be turning 20 in three month's time! This is impossible. IMPOSSIBLE. YOU HEAR ME????

NO~~~~ I haven't been to Europe yet, I haven't gotten rid of the zits on my face, I haven't lost enough weight yet, I haven't gone on an exchange programme yet, I haven't stayed in a hostel YET! I haven't decided what to major in yet, I haven't made up my mind what career to choose yet, I haven't gotten a music diploma yet, I haven't (and probably won't anyway) step into a pub, I haven't got my driving license yet, haven't recorded a song with my band yet, haven't written any songs, haven't visited FINLAND YET!!!!

I haven't got a boyfriend yet!!!!!!

Yes ok fine, I know it sounds horribly desperate of me to say so, but.. How to say. I feel terribly old already. Ahhh~~ sob sob sob.

And I haven't found anyone to buy the NY Phil ticket and accompany me to watch them on 20th October... But that's not so much the point.

Hai. >.< Well. At least one can get used to it. Yes. That must be what growing up is about. Getting used to the unpleasant bits of life. Accepting that it's what life is about.

Chuuuu~~ Maybe I'm freaking out too early. There's still three months to go after all.

Still. Three months to go.



Why are there so many songs about rainbows? Some day we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me.

rainbow connection

Finished the PS essay draft!

I slaughtered it from 1342 word to 749. Just within the limits. Whew. But I feel so heartbroken over it. When it got to about 843 it was perfect. Then I had to massacre it.

>.< Chuuuu. The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Yes I know, Jason Mraz is old stuff but he sings well k. Nice music is never out of season :)



Confirmed: Guys are weird.