Complaining about not being able to complain

"It was a strong provocation for us to hear that the authorities wanted the Non-Singaporean choir members to be excluded from the choir performances. This would have spoilt the project's intention to create a strong sense of community, a community that is based on shared complaints about life in Singapore here and now. We are disappointed that our prejudices against Singapore have been affirmed. We find it irritating that foreigners - people that built this city, nurse Singaporean kids and bring in their knowledge - are not allowed to complain." – Tellervo + Oliver Kalleinen



Quote taken from http://www.complaintschoir.org/, official website of the Complaints Choir Project.

What a pity they didn't go through with it. I think it would have been so fresh and historic. It's an even greater pity that they couldn't understand why the government had to do that. But it's only natural of course.

I think many Singaporeans, especially the older ones, would agree with the move to stop foreigners from complaining about our culture.

I'm surprised that although the Kalleinens were able to point out that most Singaporeans' roots come from overseas, they couldn't see why it was reasonable to ban foreigners from singing their criticisms. Maybe that's because they don't know our history.

In recent years, foreigners have been actively wooed to S'pore with jobs and beautiful pictures of life here. Simultaneously, ill feelings for foreigners have increased too. I don't know if government agencies will be able to provide any official figures, but personally, I feel that the Singaporeans I know have at least some sort of grudge against foreigners, be it conscious or unconscious. They're taking away our jobs, they're taking away our awards in school, our places, they're rude, loud, inconsiderate (aren't we S'poreans like this too? Just that we may look more civilized next to some of them) etcetera etcetera. It may seem trivial, but in our multicultural, multiracial nation, I think it's important not to forget the balancing act that our society practices every day these different races live harmoniously together.

This may seem too "Social Studies"-like, but remember the Maria Hertogh riots? And the Malay-Chinese racial clashes? And the race-politics practiced during the merger with Malaysia... We're pretty settled now, race-wise, but that doesn't mean tension couldn't break out again.

I value my peace and security more than I value artistic freedom.

I have friends of different races and different nationalities. I had classmates from China in Sec 3 and 4, and though I sometimes felt jealous of how they easily they outshone the rest of us and swept all the Science and Math awards away from the rest of us, I remembered too that I had and still have a lot more advantages than them. But it would be too optimistic to think every Singaporean could push aside such feelings; a minor issue could easily turn into a large one.

Singapore turns 43 in August. Finland turns 91 in December. It might seem over-protective of the government to take such measures, but maybe that's because we're still young and haven't really forgotten the hardships of the past. Maybe one day when we turn 90 we'll have minds and hearts as broad and open.

It would be interesting if they came back next year or something. After all, we do like complaining. Just don't overdo it.

Another whiney post. Ignore if time is a limiting factor.

Now the hard part begins.

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away, just in case I ever need them again someday.

Will I ever need them someday?

Why do I have to handle this, now, here? I think I have enough on my plate already. I've got my A lvls, my entire future depends on my results this year. Ok, maybe not my entire year, but much of it does. And Mom wants me to get a scholarship. CCA's asking more of the seniors. There's the *bleep* fun fair (how's that for self-censorship?) too.

I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions.

I feel that even if I could have the whole world but you, it wouldn't matter.

There are moments when I don't know if it's real, or if anybody feels the way I feel.

Do you?

I think it's a sure sign of hitting the hard bit when I keep playing the same song over and over again on YouTube. The video poster's gonna love me though. I'm jacking up the vid's watch count, even though I'm not a fan of Final Fantasy. I think it's too sappy.

Gee, that coming from me. Who am I to say so?

What will this year hold? What will it be like at the end of the year? Will we still be friends? Or will one of us have forgotten the other by then?

I'm afraid to say that it's probably inevitable that by the end of this year I would have said goodbye to you. I don't want that to happen! But how can I, or you, help it, with this big distance between us, and time and events and people coming in between...

I don't want to say goodbye. It would be another bag full of failed dreams for me.

And after my A levels, it will be your turn to leave.

I'm sorry. I wish I could be there more often. I know you might be here more, if I could tell you. But I can't.

I can't tell you how much I think of you all the time. I can't tell you how I get through the whole week just by looking forward to being with you. I can't tell you of the many things I long to talk to you about, to ask you about.

I miss you so much. But I think I should try to distance myself somewhat. Because anyway it'd all come to naught.

If you help me to start again, you know that I'll be there for you in the end.

Maybe things like this are good. It sieves out what's real and what isn't.

Dream of mine, skies are grey inside of you

The end of another week, or just the start of the next?

I'm so pessimistic. I should learn to be more optimistic, huh? Over the next two days, I will think as little as I can of school, though that isn't entirely possible, what with the homework and all. Let's see. For the foreseeable future, I have...

1) Bio SPA tomorrow. Reminds me of something I heard about last Saturday... but nevermind that now.
2) Bio class test and Chem SPA on Monday.
3) GP in-class assignment on Wednesday.
4) Chem class test on Thursday
5) Economics test on Friday.
6) Chemistry tutorial X 2
7) Literature worksheet
8) Write up my own Bio H3 notes
9) Arrange meeting with mentor, and put portfolio in order.

Haix.

I realized that even when I dream, I always dream in a negative way. Always thinking of what I want to do, but thinking at the same time that I won't be able to handle it; always dreaming of what the future holds, then immediately thinking that it's not possible.

I'm going to try to take a leaf out of your book, and learn not to think too much about what I'm going to do in the future. So, step 1- revise for tomorrow's SPA.

Hyvää yötä.

I hope that was correct. It should be.

Oscillation in progress

Hmm. What was wrong with me yesterday? All that meaningless hot air and ranting.

True, I experienced a lot of resonant feelings today, what with them switching from one form to the other until I got this hybrid feeling during swim pe. I think I'm back to normal now. I hope.

Swim pe was interesting, especially the first comment Gao Ya gave me when she saw me in my swim suit. Gee, Gao Ya, if people are both fat and flat there's really nothing left to hope for is there? Thankfully, people are either one or the other, and there's really no need to embarrass your poor class rep in front of everyone. -_- Nevermind, 'tis good thick skin practice.

Well, all in all despite the bucketfuls of water I inhaled today, I learnt to FLOAT ON MY BACK! Yay. At last. I realized its not that I can't do it, it's just that I've been doing it all wrong. It's quite fun to float around in the water ^_^ Provided you don't bang your head into someone else or the pool wall. Or end up kicking someone in the face. Hahahahaha.

It's evident that I'm in better spirits now. I shall end my blog here. Before I get too upset or anything again.

Anata no tenshi ni naritai desu.

If you haven't got time, don't read this. It's not worth it, trust me.

Is it possible to die from a heavy heart? Or at least get very very sick? (I don't exactly want to die yet.) Then I could get out of school. This sucks. My weekend's almost over and it feels

What's the point anyway? I'd be missing school infinitely then, because there'd be no cure.

I wonder how all those romance story heroes and heroines manage to die of a broken heart. I don't think it's possible. Of course my heart's not broken, just that it's swinging around so hard it might hit a rib cage or something and break one day.

Back to the point. I mean, people like Liang Shanbo die of a broken heart (hey, he's male. I thought only girls did the super emo thing). Why do people keep writing about such stuff if it's not possible? Maybe because it feels like it could happen.

Because if I could fall super sick right now, I would be able to skip Thursday's Mass Media CT. For the most intriguing topic of the A levels' syllabus, it's the most boring package I've read so far. I truly don't know how they've managed to make wonderful, lively and interesting GP so dead boring and long buried and prayed over. Someone should acknowledge their efforts.

As it is, I'm already getting better from the last bout of sinus. It's not helping that my heart was lightened during the first hour of this morning. And that Lord Jesus takes away my burdens too, when I think of His sacrifice and promises to me. Of course the latter is a good thing, but the former's not as good, especially as I'm already starting to suffer from the lack of sleep.

Glutton as I am for punishment, here I am, once again, sitting up in front of the computer. Stupid me. Unfortunately, I'm learning there's no cure for such ills.

Aiyoh. What's wrong with me, ranting away like that? Let's turn off Liang Zhu and listen to Sarasate instead.

Let's get back to safer ground. I've realized I didn't know the true condition of the newspaper until I saw this morning's headlines. HEADLINES. I mean, it could have been all very nice and well as the main article in the lifestyle section, where it REALLY BELONGS, but nooo, they thought it was so newsworthy as to stick it right in the first few prime pages. I mean, gee, I thought only TABLOIDS did this. And what about more important matters like the US presidential elections? Oh, just a small piece of news saying that the outcome isn't clear. The most intriguing, historical US presidential elections in decades and all they can say is: the outcome, isn't CLEAR. Oh my Gosh. And you blame my peers for not giving a damn about politics? Well who in the world would if all you had was a press that never cared about such matters? WHOSE FREAKING FAULT IS IT AFTER ALL???

My gosh. Don't any of you higher-ups who know damned more than we do about ourselves ever try to tell me that we kids are apathetic because we're bloody damn apathetic and immature and childish. BECAUSE IT IS SO NOT SO. Don't believe me? Well just take a darn good look at what you chose to print in the first few pages of the ONLY decent newspaper we have. Look me up when you finally get the message.

Actually, it's ironic that the 'safer ground' I retreated to, isn't actually very safe. Hey, no names mentioned right? I'm not worth suing, so please don't waste your time, money or breath doing so.

I can't believe I actually had to post the above disclaimer.

Right. I sound like some sort of malcontent. Ha. Now that I've got it off my back I'm really going to go back to the GP package.

Before that, I must say that when I heard about a particular sauna I had a sudden inclination for voyeuristic behaviour. Ah well. Thankfully, I won't ever be able to do it. Oh my gosh. What's happening to me???

Storm in a Teacup

Looks like I won't be seeing you around tonight. Just when I had commented that meeting you would make my day perfect, barely had the thought formed in my mind when I had a premonition this would happen.

I should stop looking for perfect days. The more I look for them, the less they happen.

This week's been eventful alright. There was my Budget (next time I will give it to eater to do, seeing as she's such minister material :D), there was my catching up with everybody else, there was that "scary" PCCG talk, there was my surfing the net for all that trivial (or not so trivial) information that I found out, and there was even a storm in a teacup.

Maybe its a storm in a teacup to me, but evidently to others its not. Can't blame them, but on the other hand, can't blame me either. I sleep very well at night, thank you, and even more so because I know two people whose opinion I respect very much agree with me. And I think a third person might too.

In any case, it's over already. At least I hope it is. For all I know, it may last for the next five months, or even the whole year. Thankfully, my blog is not very well publicized. So I'm sure any of you out there reading it won't know what in the whole wide teacup I am talking about. So be it.

Should I stay up really really late to wait for you? Should I get up in the middle of the night to look for you? Hmm. Scrap that last option. If I get caught I'd never be able to cover it up. And I really shouldn't be making this a habit.

But it's not enough. Really, it's not enough.

Since I'm pretty sure everyone thinks my blog's dead and buried and only the people I trust and like will be reading this, I'll just be really open about what I think here.

On a more unrelated note, something's been bugging me. All those bitchy, shallow, childish friends I know find guys whom they like and who like them back (with the exception of one friend who's good and kind and wise and doesn't deserve what all a certain idiot recently did to her). Is not having anyone interested in me a sign that I'm just not as bitchy or girly or shallow as them? Of course they've good attributes, these aforementioned females, but personally if my older brother ever went out with someone like any of them I'd start giving her the evil eye and scare her off the way I use my nice, cold, sharp tongue to tell any of the guys in class off when their idiocracy crosses the limit (which, thankfully, doesn't happen very often). And besides, it's not as if I'd want their boyfriends. I don't think I could ever fall in love with people like them. I don't really get what draws girls to them actually.

But I wonder, and I really really want to know, if not out of jealousy then out of sheer curiousity- what attracts these people to each other? I mean, all those guys are, well, all the same. What's so good about them? And all those girls, well, at a certain level, they're all the same too. I really wonder.

I also wonder, if I were to ask you this very moment, could you answer me honestly?

It doesn't matter, anyway. It would hardly change reality.

Game of Give and Take

What's the Nobel Prize and love got to do in common?

According to one laureate, both are something you shouldn't look for.

Now, I really shouldn't be blogging. I should be finalizing my Fun O Rama Budget. But I'll put that aside for a while...

I'm not into Disney songs or anything, but I like Phil Collin's rendition of You Can't Hurry Love.

You can't hurry love,
No, you just have to wait.
She said love don't come easy,
It's a game of give and take.
You can't hurry love,
No, you just have to wait.
Just trust in a good time,
No matter how long it takes.

Sometimes it feels like you care, at other times it feels like you don't. Did I do something wrong, say something wrong? Am I reading something wrong? I miss you so much. Or am I missing the good times instead of you?

Argh.

I'm so stupid. I know very well what you care about. And it's certainly not me.

I wonder if I'll ever dare to tell you how I feel about you? But what do I really feel about you? Do I really like you that much? I'm afraid that I don't, that I've read even my own feelings wrongly.

Even if you did care for me, then what? What can possibly come out of it? If you were by my side, someone that I see everyday, I think you'd never care for me, or even be interested in me. I think I'm not the kind of girl you'd like.

You can't hurry love, no, you just have to wait. They say love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take.

Even though I know there'll be someone else I'll like in the future, I can't seem to think of anyone but you. Maybe I shouldn't think about the future, but just live in the present. And in the present, I like you a lot.

Ok, end of that emo soliloquy. Sheesh. What's wrong with me? I'm so not an emo person. Dots. Anyway. Got that off my back.

Back to my Budget. I don't think I'd ever want to be a minister or anyone that has to plan a Budget. >.<

Speaking of happiness...

Coincidentally, there's a video on Yahoo news on Happiness.

Says we're the happiness people in Asia.

Hey, I thought a while ago they were saying we were the most unhappy people or something.

Anyway, the whole video's not worth watching for a few reasons:

1. It's very ang moh-nized. You start seeing everything through this very ang moh, specifically, AMERICAN, view, which is decidedly rather patronizing. What's wrong with not having a jury? I mean, not everybody thinks that any Tom, Dick and Harry on the street can rationalize well. Because really, some people just don't have a common sense. And what's wrong with hanging drug smugglers? Hey, they could be the ones leading the people you love off the straight and narrow. It's not just their own lives they're destroying. So I say deal with them hard. And chewing gum's a bad habit. Look at the Tiananmen Square. They had, have, are having, a hard time cleaning it up. The laws here are harsh, but only by your standards.

2. Did I mention it's a very patronizing view? Very top-down, superior-inferior, normal-abnormal, acceptable-weird kind of viewpoint. With the Western culture being the former, of course.

Well, I think anyone who continues to allow other people to buy guns to "protect themselves" while so many children are being killed at school and other children expressing their emotions in a very very wrong way is, well, really really weird.

It only goes to show that not every body has common sense. Instead, most ironically, common sense has just gotten even more rare.

Happy new year

I'm determined. Determined to have a happy new year, since so many people have wished it upon me.

It's so hard though.

There's mass pe, swim pe, going to RJC alone, my stupid cold, and a number of other stupid things. Sigh :(

Exercise is supposedly stress-relieving, but may I point out that doing stuff you like relieves stress too? In which case the opposite must be true, and since I hate PE, it must be a source of stress. Don't get me wrong. I like exercising. But I hate PE lessons.

I finally decided on a place for dinner this Saturday. Mommy says the amethyst earrings from Korea were an early birthday present so I shall have to settle with that. If I had known though, I would have asked for a larger and more expensive one. Materialistic me.

I know what I really want for my birthday, but I also know I'll never get it. Money can't buy it. Nothing can, in fact.

Why do I always wish for the impossible? Probably because it's impossible.

It's for the best, probably.

Sigh. Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me.

I will be happy. I will, I will!

In the meantime, here's the small, weird piece of blank verse in iambic pentameter my Lit teacher asked us to do in class today:

I have long walked in worlds unknown to you,
I've seen much more in life then you in dreams.
So come with me, stop living life this way,
There's more in all you see than meets the eye.
Follow me! There's life and beauty fair
In places such as those undreamt by you.

So weird right? The first line was given by my teacher, and I just sort of continued from there. My classmate's was even funnier. It involved a line of moo-ing (that's "moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo", for those who don't get it), and a line that went "I think I'm going crazy now what larks" complete with the last quote from Mr. Joe Gargery.

Anyway. I hope he doesn't take offense at my quoting him without permission.