End of the end and Beginning of the Beginning

Anyone knows how to pronounce "Dior"? Yes I know, I sound very noob asking that kind of thing but really. Mommy says its "De-o" but I think it's "Dye-or". Opinions, people?

Enjoying myself through Shooee's mega upload of her three weeks in London. 497 pics. Whoo. Inspiring. Maybe I should put up my pics of Shanghai too.

Hope you all had a meaningful Christmas. It's been my busiest Christmas ever. Baking, wrapping, baking, wrapping, baking, wrapping, shopping, wrapping, baking. Lol! But I had fun. I think this has been the most memorable Christmas ever.

Shanghai. I enjoyed myself there, though I was constantly plagued by the thought that my lungs were getting abused by all the pollution. I think I shaved a month or so off my lifespan. Hahahaha!

But the thing about Shanghai is that to really enjoy it you have to get out of the major shopping streets and go walking about in the small streets, looking at various shops, getting real bargains, learning to cross the road when nobody cares about lights, jumping over various weird puddles and dark patches on the pavement (lol) and deciding what to buy and what to forgo.... ^^ The Shanghainese are as bu ke qi and forward as usual, but I think their service has improved somewhat.

We visited a house church on Sunday; I was really nervous about getting into trouble and all... kept praying... But it turns out the church is so well established the government leaves them alone! Hahaha. Mom's friend at the church even said that because of their reputation the government comes along once in a while to 'zhao gu wo men'. Lol. That is so funny. I want to see that, a communist government coming along to see if a house church is coming along ok.

The old couple whose house is being used really opened up their entire house. They stay up in the attic, the first floor is used for worship, the second level is where everybody else who can't fit in goes to the proceedings from a video cam. So cute.

Oh. And I didn't find the xiao long bao at cheng huang miao as nice as the ones that fei cui in Terminal 3 makes. Hahaha. Maybe it's just a cultural thing. Oh wells.

Oh oh. And I went to Raffles City in Shanghai. Courtesy of CapitaLand. ^^ Felt like a Singapore mall. Hahaha. Oh! And they have this BEEG Espirit store just opposite Raffles City. It's got 4 levels, and it's all Espirit! Unfortunately at this time of year all their clothing is particularly dull and boring and not very nice... But I got a pretty jewellery box from Raffles City.

Ah well. Elaine and Shooee are back in Singapore, and I'm glad for it. Been feeling very lonely. Also been feeling rather cold-shouldered, by a certain someone -.-" Maybe it 's just my imagination. Or maybe it would be rather pathetic to still be sending that letter...

Haish. I can't stand myself.

What the hey. I'm still sending it.

Haaah. Can't believe Christmas is already over. Sometimes though, I wish I could turn back time to one year ago, just for that moment again.

Merry Christmas everyone.




P.S. You know, I was reading my post from last year. I must say though, that I think I've grown so much in the past year I can finally accept the idea of going to the university. Somehow, I've come to terms with growing up. To a slightly greater extent. Slightly.

ramblings

I will be 19 in a month's time.

I wonder if Sami will remember.

Probably not.

Looks like I'm already failing in keeping my resolution -.-" I never could keep resolutions. If I really want to do something I must NOT make a resolution out of it.

>.<"

Today the sun shines, the birds and insects sing and the world is full of colour, but I think I understand why a certain close friend says she'll never fall in love again. Feels that way, sort of. Not only that one doesn't suppose one will ever find a person to love again, but also that one doesn't want to go through the whole process again.

For now I sit and wait. And think of what shall go in the Christmas letter.

While waiting, let's change the topic. Just saved my lousy big brother from a heck lot of trouble.

Argh. Yahoo Mail screwed up my Firefox. Thankfully, Firefox didn't close my downloads. Ahahaha. I love you Firefox. Muax.

Anyway as I was saying, I saved him from a crap load full of trouble because I confirmed for him, not that he asked, that he needs to apply for an exit permit and needs to inform Mindef before we go to Shanghai this Saturday. Otherwise he'd be charged in court, not that he'll thank me for saving his sorry ass anyway. And my Dad knew but was just waiting for my bro to get into trouble at the Immigration.

Sheesh. Males are SO useless. Not only useless but idiotic and utterly frustrating to live with. I feel like slapping those two.

Hooray for female liberalization. Living life dependent on those useless things must have been completely unbearable.

All because of those two, I didn't get to go to Europe this year. Sheesh.

Still, at least I still get my annual 'freeze my butt off' time in Shanghai. Even if it won't snow. :(

Wonder if Sami will remember his promise to take a picture of a white Christmas for me?

Hmmmh. Does it matter?

Okinasai, atashi

'Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day.'

Sami Lahtinen, I don't want to love you anymore.

I need to separate myself from you before I start hating you.

I wish, almost, I had never agreed to be your friend on that day more than a year before. I'm going to burn up that chain of flowers and thorns. I promise myself. I can't do what Pip did for Estella. Look where it got him.

I'll send you a Christmas letter to thank you.

Then I'll not owe you anything more.

I hope I can keep to my resolution.

バランス

The Finnish are really sweet people, really.

Aww...

But doesn't that make life really simple and nice? I think life shouldn't be too difficult.

'eminent things
Leave no more fame behind 'em than should one
Fall in a frost and leave his print in snow;
As soon as the sun shines, it ever melts
Both form, and matter...'

But interestingly enough, they still suffer from a host of emotional and mental problems.

Perhaps its time to look beyond their borders and LIGHTEN up their lives? I have often found that focussing one's thoughts on others make one happier.

But aren't they already very international?

Yes and no.

What a contradictory people they are.

All I want for Christmas 2

All I want for Christmas is to spend it with Sami ラチネン-くん. Just 3 hours would do. Or even an hour. On Christmas night.

To see a sky of stars and watch it snow.

Haish. Some wishes will never come true though.

Let's change it then. All I want for Christmas is to also spend it with Elaine, Shooee, Yokie and gang from school, and my family.

Now at least some part of it will happen.

:)

this time last year i was busy collecting big bones for sami's christmas present on runescape. this year, i haven't been on for at least... a month? this year i'm busy running to sim lim square :)

i hope he'll like it. even if it won't mean very much to him.

All I want for Christmas

Hmm. I was so emo yesterday.

Ah well, I suppose maintaining the status quo isn't that bad after all.

Flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade, they have their seasons so do we.

Seasons huh? I suppose everyday isn't a lovely spring day. Autumn and winter come too.

But I'll be hoping and holding out for spring.

Shooee has left for London already. I'm glad I got to see the JMAF with her before that.

*wanna go to europe too!*

I played quite hard last week and this week I'm kind of living one day at a time. Guess there're some withdrawal symptoms. Hahaha.

Well, my new play thing is origami, so if anyone is looking to give me a Christmas present *looks around hopefully* please give me lovely origami paper from Japan.

:D nah, don't feel obliged.

All I want for Christmas, really, is to be surrounded by those I love.

And to be a good Christian friend. ^^

Why science is not = happiness

My old comp outside has finally screwed up for good, so now that the whole house is quiet and asleep, I have hijacked my mom's laptop.

Dark deeds done in the depths of night.

LOL.

Anyway, since you asked, Shooee, I guess I'll give a more detailed account of the seminar.

It was:
Organized by some A*Star scholars. They invited speakers who are high flyers with A*Star now. You know, the sort who have the whole world at their picking. So they kind of talked about what it's like to be a scientist, what they do, what you should feel about science before becoming a scientist.

I felt:
Squirmish, uncomfortable, unwilling to become what they have. It feels too insular, too wrapped up in a world of your own, like water in a high pressure hose. I don't like that. And I'm not looking to be the next millionaire scientist or the next minster of whatever or anything. I don't want that kind of life. I just want to love and serve a God who loves me; I just want a job I love; I just want a family I'll love and friends whom I love dearly. That's enough.

What is life that I should so struggle and slave over it? Is it not a few mere passing breaths? My hope is not in this life, but in the next. There my treasures should be, and there my heart will be.

Yet before this life is over, I will rejoice and be glad in it. For all the blessings the Lord has showered upon me.

So there you have it. I am not willing to pour my heart and soul into a world that will not last longer than God will allow it to.

Although I like science, the troubled stirring in my heart will not let me take it up gladly.

Guess I'm a bit emotional tonight.

Just to say
Sitting up past midnight
Eyes fixed only on a light
From a false screen.

Turning and twisting
Scrambling and straining
An uphill battle but I'm not willing to give in.

Smiling away past midnight
From a heart that's happy and light
Seen only by a false screen.

Turning and twisting
Winding and wheedling
Words that are not what they seem, that

Prise into the hidden,
Learn the unknown,
Accept without question,
Believe in the best.

Using a world of words
Just to say

three Simple
Common
Fundamental
Meaningful
Deep
Complex words

That never got said in the end.

Now that the truth is really obvious, there's nothing more for me to do than hold back my tears
And quietly
aaaaaaaaaa gently
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa forcefully

face my Fears

That although my eyes see only you, it's getting harder and harder to say so.

And though these three words may seem hardest to say,
They're easily beaten by a single contender
That stems from a heart grown cold with dismay.

Hyvästi.