Raikkonen-sama he no chisatsu tegami

sniff.

Why, Raikkonen-sama??

snifffff.

Stupid stupid STUPID. Who, what is stupid I don't know. I just know SOMETHING is.

*waaaaaaaah.

*is severely disappointed.

sniffle.

Plus yokie and eater are ponning school tomorrow. I'll have no one to cry to!

Not even sami's around.

ughmmmm... *waaaaaaaah.

Haix. I think this whole affair is too ci ji for me. To start out so well, climb all the way to the top, and then crash out.

:(

It's over. It's really over now.

...

But but. Janey, look on the brighter side of things.

Kimi-sama, thank you for doing the best you could tonight. Despite your poor run of luck, you really did well. You really rose up to the occasion. Better than someone else did anyway. So thank you for a really good evening.

I admire your fighting spirit.

Hmm. I feel better le. Nothing better than looking on the bright side of life.

Ok Janey, FIGHTO! Still got A levels to go. Cannot give up now! Cannot skip school tomorrow, no matter how depressed you are!

KITTO KATSU!!!

Even though Kimi-sama's chances of winning this year are gone with the stupid first safety car, there's always next year!

And Kimi-sama is a talented driver. So no worries.

Yeah.

Provided Ferrari do something about their XYZ@#$$% pit stop system.

Talk about getting bitten twice by the SAME dog. Except now it's the OTHER hand.

Anyway. I'm not following this year's F1 season anymore.

Except, of course, to make sure Massa wins.

I just wish sami was around.

When it rains, it pours.

F1 >>>>> Biennale

(For the non-science students, > means more than.)

Whooo...

S'pore's got rave reviews from Formula1.com.

Lol. Like this one below...

"As well as its world-famous highrise skyline, the Asian city also boasts the beautiful Sentosa Island for visitors in search of something more relaxed. The former British naval base is currently in the middle of a $10 million refurbishment, but the tropical paradise, complete with gorgeous beaches, is already considered one of the world’s most glamorous resorts."

Quote taken from http://www.formula1.com/news/headlines/2008/9/8429.html

Like hello??? You sure that's Singapore we're talking about? Sentosa??? Gorgeous? GLAMOROUS??????

Excuse me.

Rolls on the floor laughing uncontrollably.

Breathe, breathe.

Our FAKE beach is GORGEOUS? Boring little Sentosa is GLAMOROUS?

Totally unbelievable. Spotless white sand. Yea. Well, if even sea turtles can mistake our imported Indonesian sand for the real thing, I guess it's only natural reporters would too. LOL!

But we got some nice publicity too. Like, we have 63 islands. Wait, we do? That's something I never knew >.> Do they still count the islands that have been linked up to the mainland?

Hmm. Seems like a rather worrying concern is whether a blackout would occur in the middle of the race. I don't think anything will happen, really. This is Singapore after all. If anything did happen, heads will roll. Not to mention big hefty fines and punishments. In all my life living here it's only happened twice, and it wasn't in the city area. So yes, Kovalainen, I'm pretty sure it has been taken care of.

Haa ^^

Anyway. I saw a bit of the track and grandstand yesterday when I went with Shooee to the Biennale (more on that later). And actually, I think watching the race on TV would be better. I mean, in the seats you're just stuck at one position, you might miss some significant action taking place somewhere else. Watching TV, on the other hand, it's almost as if you're everywhere, well at least everywhere the TV cameras are, which is definitely more places than one.

But as I'll be watching with Yokie, I expect some friction will exist. After all, she thinks Raikkonen should give way to Massa in Sunday's race while I think Raikkonen shouldn't. Not unless he loses this race. Which will most likely NOT occur. Yes. NOT. >.<

Well, on to the Biennale. It was quite cool really. I liked the book floating in the tank of water. And the fluorescent swing. And and. The barber's saloon! And. The paper garden growing out of the floor. And! The Google Earth image of Singapore. I <3 AC yea? ^^ And and and. The wood chip animation. AND. The huge painting of tubes of paint. And the sugar pagoda, the helicopter, the fei zhao ;), the black cards stuck to the floor, the propaganda videos...

^^ I recommend it to any stressed out student. Especially the City Hall exhibition. Because it's air-coned. Hahaha. No, really, I thought the exhibits there were more interesting. Only thing is, the signage sucked big time. Everywhere was F1, F1, F1, MRT, oh look a Biennale sign! F1, F1, F1....

Shooee and I wasted a LOT of time walking around in the hot sun. Lost. Because both of us don't have a sense of direction. :P The only reason why we finally got where we wanted to go is because Shooee used to be a Guide, so she could at least read maps.

Ah well. If anyone wants to see pics, go to Shooee's blog over there => in my links section to see.

I'm going over to view now ^^

Oh, and Mika Hakkinen thinks nasi lemak is nice.... Think heart-attack inducing. Thankfully he doesn't live here ;)

Most of us have been here before

Tomorrow begins the mid-week of my last month of the classroom learning I have become so accustomed to these past 12 years of my life.

I don't even know what I want to do with my life. Wait, correction: I have a faint inkling of what I want to do with my life, but I don't dare to ask myself because I'm too afraid my own strength is not enough.

I kind of understand why in certain countries most of their young people don't start university until much later. I wish I could do that too. To change the centre of my world, just for a while.

I suppose I'll be able to do that for a time after the A levels, but don't forget that very soon after the New Year it'll be scholarship applications and university talks etc etc.

I'm tired of studying. I'm tired of eternally cramming old bits of information into my head. I'm sick of waking up every morning knowing that the main purpose of my day is to prepare for some stupid exam.

What the hey to the stupid exam, I say.

But my world can't except that either. So through the whole process all of us go.

Now I'm at the end of that process. I don't which feeling is stronger- the desire to quickly get this year over, or the irritating bits of nostalgia that keep poking me.

Anyway. Let me lay down this week's schedule, just so I can feel like my life has more meaning.

Monday- School. Violin class. Revision.
Tuesday- School. GP mock exam. Revision.
Wednesday- School. Go home for a while. Honours Night.
Thursday- School. Going to Biennale with Shooee!!!
Friday- School. Revision.

What the hey. The only day worth living is Thursday.

My sinus has been getting better, but I hope it recurs so drastically and so hard on Tuesday morning that I can skip school and the stupid 3 hr GP mock.

Oh yes. I'm getting my prelim grades tomorrow. I hope that doesn't mean I have to stay back till 2.30pm just to get back some lousy slip of paper that will definitely NOT improve my life. I refuse. I have violin class tomorrow.

It's so overwhelming, sometimes. I know what I have to do for Bio and Chem, but I feel a little lost for Literature and Econs. Particularly because I don't really have anyone to talk about Lit with, or go for consults with. As for Econs, my grades swing up and down as often as the stock market does nowadays. I don't quite know what went wrong.

I'm in so much trouble for my A levels.

Here, got this pic from elainey's blog. I feel like doing this too. And after squeezing in, shut the lid firmly, close my eyes tightly and pretend I don't actually exist.

F1 >.>

I have made up for my lack of a TV by watching live updates of F1. Starting with the race in Italy on Sunday.

But Yokie has invited me to her home to watch the Singapore Grand Prix, so I hope Mom will let me...!

>.<

Although Raikkonen finished 9th, just ONE position short of a point, it was pretty satisfying to see that Massa pipped Hamilton. Yay.

But for the moment the driver in the spotlight is Sebastien Vettel.

Personally, if it couldn't be Raikkonen on the podium it's actually nice to see three different faces on the podium instead of the usual ones.

Nijyu-sai. Same age as Kor. Hmm. Can't imagine someone Kor's age driving a car at 300km/hr and actually pulling off a win. But I hope no one really tries to call Vettel the next prodigy or something, because that would be too...... dramatic. I mean, let the guy enjoy his win without too much stress. Anyone who can get up to that level of racing probably has the ability to win. And given the right opportunity, they will.

Speaking of right opportunities...... aahh. I guess just as we get lucky sometimes we get unlucky at others. It seems unlikely that Raikkonen can retain his title this year, but at least let him win in Singapore......! Then I will not mind if Massa takes the title.

Just as long as it's not Hamilton -.- I don't like his attitude, or his 'I'm comparable to Ayrton Senna!' way of looking at himself.

There are gracious losers, like most of the more experienced drivers were in Monza. And there are gracious winners too, as most experienced drivers are as well.

The ends doesn't justify the means, and just because you're talented doesn't mean you can get away with whatever you do.

(A.k.a., don't open your mouth to criticize someone who has done better than you just because you're doing better than him for the moment.)

In any case, they've removed the ad featuring the above-mentioned driver's face from the bus stop at the side gate I use.

Ha.

P.S. Kovalainen's English really is... shall I say quaint? :P Like 'wetter'. Ok, fine, wetter is a standard word but it's a bit unwieldy. Reminds me of my unofficial English student who hails from the same country. But the latter's mistakes are cute, see. ;) Especially in the way he's so careful with his 'prepositions'. ...... What on earth is a preposition???

To go or not to go?

Quick, I need some answers people.

A short poll. Please reply by tag board or comments.

Senior's Night or Choir Camp?

Bearing in mind that I am assistant Choir Camp program planner.

And that Seniors' Night entails eating and photo-taking and listening to bad music.

And that Yokie's presence at Seniors' Night depends on mine.

Sigh.

Honest answers please.

Thanks ^^

Message

Mid-autumn festival at my church is over. I have practiced, hesitated, sung, and am satisfied.

Right now I am sitting right here, typing this and waiting for someone to talk to me.

I'm reminded of the first Wendy Cope poem I read in Lit class.

...Instead I'll concentrate
On sending thought-waves through the London air
And if they reach you, please don't hesitate --
Pick up the phone.

Well, my thought-waves will have to travel further than just the London air. They'll have to travel a quarter way across the globe.

Crap. They probably got lost. Or ignored. Or misunderstood.

What the hey.

While we're waiting for a reply, let's think about the mini-trial I went through at about 8pm today.

I'm glad I didn't win. I didn't do it to win. If I had, I couldn't have done it as sincerely as I did. So thanks God, for answering that prayer of mine, in a very gentle way.

I don't suppose my thought-waves are getting through at all. I mean, he's probably too busy, too preoccupied, too disinterested, etc etc.

Haix.

Raikkonen is not doing well. He crashed at the last race, and is starting tomorrow's race in 14th position. FOURTEENTH. Jyu-yong ban. What the. The picture of him on formula1.com looked a little worried. Ice-man Kimi is worried. He'd be abnormal to be not worried. Interestingly, Kovalainen is doing pretty well, taking second position on the grid.

Maybe Finns have something for cars and such. Like a certain someone whose picture of himself on his bike is up.

So many things I'd like to know. Half of my head is thinking up things to say to you, the other half is telling it to shut the hey up.

It's pointless.

Since we're all in a nice dreary mood, I may as well think of my prelim results too.

Not good, but not bad either. I wish it were either. If it were bad I could have a good cry and get it all out of my system. If it were good I could jump for joy and sing to the skies above. As it is, I can't do either, so I'm stuck with a very ambiguous, restless, dissatisfied feeling. Emotional constipation. It makes you want to give up on everything.

Even on being your friend and your English teacher.

What the hey. The thought-waves are not getting through. So what's new.

Have you ever tried to read too much into what someone does?

I find I do it very often now, with catastrophic results.

Sign in, sign out, busy. All at face value, all at face value. Coincidences do happen.

For some reason I feel rather lonely today. I know I'm not actually, but it persists. Today is one of the days when there's nobody to bug.

It's interesting. I've had a full roller-coaster ride of feelings today. From happy at school, to feeling isolated, to feeling warm and welcome, to feeling like a total stranger when I had to be with them again. I guess I wanted to forget all of them, horrid as it sounds, and I didn't like having to be with them again. Being all strange and weird and out-of-place again. Then I got really hyper just now, listening to Kor pretend to sing like Louis Armstrong. And now I feel all down and tired again.

What is wrong with me?

Have you ever really, truly wanted to change the status quo?

Knowing that you can't. That you mayn't, anyway.

Walking a thousand miles wouldn't be enough for me to see you tonight, because you live further than that from me.

Even as I feel so alone, I know there are friends of mine out there who care about me. Friends who seem lonely and isolated too. But somehow each of us just remains in our own shell, not reaching out, not looking beyond ourselves. Except for the rare occasions.

Ah, somebody has signed in whom I can bug. And she's lonely too ^^

Here's a friend for you, Jane.

So what IS wrong with me?

Maybe it's knowing that you'll never feel the way I do. But haven't I already got used to that? I decided that your happiness and well-being are enough for me.

Maybe it's just PMS after all.

But I just can't shake the feeling that once again, I've done something wrong.