皆がジャガIII

I'd thought in JC that I'd gotten over my problems of meeting new people, but I hadn't.

I thought during my internship that I was better and thus ok at meeting new people, but I wasn't.

I thought at the end of my first year in NUS that I had adapted to meeting new people, but I hadn't.

I thought as I begun to settle down with the second service that I was used to keeping people at an arm's length, but I wasn't.

And I still haven't, and I still am not.

I still find myself wanting to draw people closer, or push people farther away;

Just basically not knowing how far should I hold them off? Is it ok to have this measure of restraint? And is it ok to have this measure of familiarity?

I still am not sure, but one thing's certain:

That I'm more used to the idea of calling people who I may not even greet on the corridors 'friend'.

It feels a bit lonely actually, especially last Friday. Then I realized, quickly enough:

That I don't need to draw them too close. Or to worry about holding them too far off. Because I already have people who understand me.

Therefore let all others come and go as they wish.

Can't believe I'm only just settling this with myself. I guess it was also because I heard Mom sharing with the cg last Saturday about how she's kind of like this too with her friendships. Kind of a 'love you or hate you' attitude. Which I clearly inherited from her. In the past I just thought I was too shy.

So, I hope I'm not so much affected by being alone anymore. It no longer leads to existential/soul searching questions. Hahaha.

Urgh. Sometimes I'm like a teenager even though I'll be an adult in a few months time...

Sigh. Given up on resisting the passage of time, so I shall not scream and wail noooooooo I can't be that ooooold.

Instead, I shall say it calmly. No, I can't be that old. Sigh.

Morning Dew

Was walking pass the football field near Science fac this morning when I saw something glittering in the grass. Really shiny, and multi-coloured too. Was pondering if I should risk the tall grass to go look at it when I realized that

the whole field was full of it!

So I realized it was just dew. And the whole slope was sparkling with it. Pretty prisms in the morning sunlight :)

Everyone is Bananas?

Is what someone suggested as an alternative to the potato saying. Hmm. I like potatoes better. Besides, it sounds like everyone is crazy or something.

皆がバナナ。 ジャガ sounds cuter :D

Whew. Japanese lang tute was pretty intense. I see why Jason Ng doesn't want to do it all over again. The key is not to be afraid to speak up and make mistakes. The latter of which I'm really bad at. Hahaha. All the better to make me humble.

*No Jason Ng you're not allowed to drop! We're gonna get 5.0 for this module!!!! Then no interviewer will dare ask about ugly mark you got for it last sem.* Lol.

Speaking of making mistakes, part of me wishes to be able to take back my participation in the Christmas musical... If I had known who was writing the songs... but then maybe that's why I didn't get to know, and so don't have a chance to chicken out.

Haish. But still it gives me a chance to get to know certain people better, so I'm not really complaining. Because see, to get to know people better you need to talk to them; to talk to people you need an excuse to be around them and a topic to talk about, and I guess the musical is the perfect excuse?

Although some people I know are definitely not excited about their roles... Something about it aggravating negative feelings in reality... I don't really understand how that happens... but not really in a position to ask or comment so... Guess I'll just be praying for them (:

As for me, though it's hard, it makes me thankful too. Kind of hard to explain... but! That's the way it is. La~ ^^

*Now I feel bad for being happy when they're not...! *

Sometimes there's only so much you can do. Even when you want to do more.

Anyway. I'm bringing Gideon's song to Mrs Lau tomorrow, to figure out all the rich harmonies that elude me thus far.

And tomorrow I'm having lunch with Shana and Jo! Yay. Ample causes for joy.

Everyone is Potatoes

皆がジャガ。　

And yet potatoes are nice to eat. Guess there's a fine line between ignoring them and eating them.

Am still learning to draw the line. But the problem is sometimes potatoes that have been just passing by start to become more like people, and then I'm too much like a potato towards them.

Solution? Maybe I'll just start wearing a permanent smile. Hahaha. Or train cheek muscles to smile faster. And a one, two, one, two, smile! :P

(Shana dudette, correct my grammar. Is it 'everyone is' or 'everyone are'?)

Those of you who have bugged me to blog should thank Public Admin, because, guess what?

Public Admin is as dry as it sounds. (Yay, hands up all those who guessed right.) And do you know who's to blame? That's right, Woodrow Wilson. Thanks for making PA a political science subfield, and as such, a module requirement for me.

Seriously. And the lecturer is not making it any better. He spent our first lecture saying nothing of consequence.

Bweah. >.<>

Want to watch the Nodame Cantabile DVD I just bought, but I feel I should be studying too. How now brown cow? Maybe I'll just finish my Japanese lang homework and forget PA >.<

Tomorrow's going to be a long day... ChinesePoliticalThought--PublicAdmin--JpnLangTutorial--TheoryLesson. Granted I actually like theory lessons with Yingtong and Mrs Lau but I don't like travelling to her house at 6pm, with lots of things to carry...

I find that, thus far, listening to Japanese hasn't been that difficult for me... I think it's partly due to all the J-pop and J-dramas that I've listened to and watched :) Who says J-dramas are a utter waste of time?

Nodame Cantabile is sitting on my desk calling to me. 'Yoohoo, watch me.' Wait wait, I do my Jpnese hw first

わたしはジャガいもが大好きです～＾＾